• 1 in 5 people have admitted reconnecting with an ex during the coronavirus pandemic, according to new research.
  • If you’re one of those people and are unsure whether it’s worth rekindling your romance, therapist Mark Williams said there are two ways to tell.
  • First, both of you and your ex have to willingly discuss how you’ve grown and changed since your breakup. You should address the reasons you broke up in the first place.
  • You should also consider whether you want your ex back for comfort, or whether they add something to your life you can’t find anywhere else.
  • Visit Insider’s homepage for more stories.

As the coronavirus pandemic wears on, many who spend their days isolating alone have experienced an unintended effect – thinking about, and even contacting, their exes.

In fact, 1 in 5 people have admitted to reaching out to their exes in light of the pandemic, according to Justin Lehmiller, a research fellow at The Kinsey Institute who is currently conducting a study on sexual behaviors and attitudes during the pandemic.

Lehmiller told Insider some people reached out simply to make sure their exes were safe, while others felt lonely and wanted to feel a sense of companionship with someone familiar. These feelings are normal, because people naturally crave comfort and familiarity during uncertain times.

But if you feel a real connection reigniting after reaching out, how can you tell whether it’s worth rekindling a relationship with your ex?

According to Mark Williams, a licensed therapist who works with the relationship-coaching app Relish, it all depends on whether you and your ex have individually worked through problems that led to your relationship dissolution in the first place.

"If you're going to try to get back to the relationship, the obvious question is: Why didn't it work the first time?" Williams told Insider.

You and your ex have to address your previous relationship issues if you want a chance to make things work

If you don't want history to repeat itself and fall into the same relationship problems you did the first time around, Williams said you and your ex have to have an honest discussion about what went wrong, and how you each worked to better yourselves to prevent those problems from reoccurring.

Williams said couples who fight or end things often have differing communication styles, and never learn how to talk to each other in a healthy way.

"In many cases when you start looking at it, it's like [each partner is] trying to win the argument and neither one is listening to the other, or trying to understand, or come to some resolution, because they're both so invested in their own side," he said.

Previous infidelity, addiction problems, and feelings of jealousy and resentment are other issues exes who are reconsidering their relationship should consider before getting back together, Williams said.

"If two people love each other and they both are committed to making things work, to changing, or working on their own individual issues, there's a good chance that they could work things out, but each person, I believe, has to take responsibility for whatever their part was," in the initial breakup, Williams said.

Ask yourself: Are you afraid to be alone, or does your ex add something special to your life?

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Foto: "It could be helpful to talk to friends and family sometimes. They may see things that you may not see," Williams said. Source: Crystal Cox/Business Insider

Often, people rekindle things with an ex because it's comfortable, Williams said.

If you're considering getting back together with yours, he said it's important to understand your personal motivations for doing so.

"Sometimes it's hard to date and you think you're comfortable with that person, or maybe it's easier to get back with that person than to try something new," Williams said.

That's why you have to ask yourself whether you fall into that category, or if your ex provided something special that you can't let go.

If you aren't sure how to figure out this distinction yourself, Williams said speaking with a third party can help you gain clarity.

"It could be helpful to talk to friends and family sometimes. They may see things that you may not see," Williams said, adding that chatting with a therapist is another option.